How to find a squirrel

Image: Mexican red-bellied squirrel, Sciurus aureogaster: Dick Culbert CC BY 2.0 via wikimedia.org

 

Inspired by similar exercises from Small Pond Science and The Lab and Field, I present once more a few of the more interesting search terms by which Scientist Sees Squirrel has been found.  These are all real, I swear – and they’re only the tip of the iceberg.  About 95% of searches are encrypted, so I don’t see them.  Imagine what gems are buried in the encrypted searches!

 

do wizards need to know calculus

Good question, although I guess I know where to find out.  Perhaps an even better question: do wizards need to use Google?  The post this search leads to doesn’t answer either question; instead, it offers some highly controversial opinions about whether biologists need to know calculus.

 

considered as lazy scientist

I could be offended that this search leads to my blog.  Except for two things: I am a lazy scientist; and laziness is often the same thing as efficiency.

 

professor lecturing empty seats

I could be easily be offended by this one, too!  But I’m not unusual in seeing poor attendance in my classes, and being both worried and frustrated by it.  So: it me.

 

why is stats so hard

This search, and its variants, comes up over and over again.  It’s actually depressing that so many people find themselves wanting to type that phrase.  But at least the post it points to offers the possibility of an antidote.

 

scientist name art squirrel

Scientists have named a lot of squirrels, but to my knowledge, we’ve never named one Art.  Other writers have named squirrels too – most famously Rocky, Nutkin, and Scaredy.  (This search finds my “scientific names” tag archives; I have a startling number of posts about scientific names.)

 

best scientific writing book

You’d think I’d be pretty happy that this Google search leads to my blog. After all, I’ve written a scientific writing book and I think it’s pretty good.  But here’s the thing: this search doesn’t actually find my writing book; it finds my post about other people’s writing books.  Thanks, Google.

 

every idiot thinks they’re a reviewer

I will admit that I, too, have occasionally thought this.  Everyone has their weak moments.  What I wouldn’t have thought: that typing it into Google would lead me anywhere useful.  You be the judge of whether or not it does.

 

unfortunate latin bird names

Yes, a few of them are.

 

draw an organizations structure which allow placement and/or position of audit committee and external auditor’s in an organization of known status

Typing one’s assignment questions into Google is a thing, I realize.  But if one were to use this post to complete the assignment, one would deserve the grade one got.

 

dynamic ecology

Ah, yes, my cunning plan for world domination: to hack Google’s search algorithms so that people attempting to find Dynamic Ecology will actually end up at Scientist Sees Squirrel. Hey, if you can’t beat’em, co-opt’em.

 

© Stephen Heard  July 2, 2018

If you like this sort of thing, here’s the first installment, and here’s the second. But almost nobody does, which probably says something about my sense of humour.

 

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